Domingo, 19 de Novembro de 2006

Sleepwalker




O mundo agarra-me pelos ombros e sacode-me com violência...


Fecho os olhos com força.

Anseio por momentos de solidão e silêncio apontando pensamentos soltos na bainha da minha alma...quando chegam finalmente sentam-se ao meu lado e fazem-me companhia olhando para a estranha multidão das minhas horas.
Abro os olhos e já não os consigo fechar... agora e para todos os momentos que reclamam a presença imediata da minha alma. Todas as caras me olham de dentro do imediato e desejam a minha voz no agora.

Abro a boca mas tudo o que sinto é o frio da noite, não existe o som daquilo que ainda não...


Algo que se esconde de mim, uma palavra talvez, a resposta...o nome.

A inevitabilidade do momento leva-me aos lábios entreabertos uma pequena ampola de vidro, com uma devoção pura e uma candura que o meu terror acha quase doentia. A soma de todas as emoções...
Tão limpidas e concentradas como um veneno, sinto-as entre os lábios, descendo pela minha garganta, tomando o meu corpo que adormece num caos indecifrável e apocalíptico.
Pelos olhos abertos passam sonhos estranhos enquanto a realidade tenta extrair à força o nome oculto que não consegui capturar sozinha. Uma por uma são abertas todas as portas por este soro-da-verdade indiscriminado e brutal, numa nudez para além da génese...

O corpo transparece, demasiado cheio e demasiado fraco para compreender aquilo que o domina...olho através da pele translúcida, vejo muitas mãos dentro do meu peito. Mexem-se à volta do meu coração numa cadência lenta mas precisa, tocam-no para o tentarem entender, apertam-no para o tentarem sossegar...em vão.

A palavra permanece oculta.

O desapontamento corre silencioso pela minha cara quando as diferentes vozes cessam... num gesto automático e irreflectido limpo-a e todos os apontamentos se diluem...todas as palavras se perdem e os pensamentos esbatem-se numa mancha indistinta.

Olho para ela longamente, enquanto o mundo corre pelo meu corpo numa calma ensurdecedora.



Aware
publicado por aware às 23:31
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3 comentários:
De Sam a 20 de Novembro de 2006 às 22:35
És a única que pode saber o que se esconde nas tuas entranhas...o nome já aí está gravado, só tens que o descobrir! bjo*
De blabla a 26 de Novembro de 2006 às 06:25
This is not for you, but to whoever happened cross my path during my dream, tonight.

Once upon a time, I forgave this girl about everything that had happened. However, she dared to come and talk to me, yet again. If I am not the one to end it, it will never end. It's not either mine or her fault, but it's fate, simple fate; it won't be because I want to do it, but because I need, for the sake of my sanity.

Aware, if you're reading this, be aware (no pun intended!) that this is not your fault. I can't understand what happens, how could my dream lead me directly here, but it just happens. Either if it is indeed a signal that I need to end it all for you or something else, I know not. All my choices for this very same situation are unavailable, so it's just me and nobody else, besides the pathetic struggles that cross my dreams. How can my dreams make me do this? How can my dreams lead me here? How can my dreams take me to you, once again? Why can't I just leave, stop dreaming about weird stuff? Why can't my skill just go away? Why can't people just be nice to me, instead of being major assholes? Why can't I be left alone? Why can't I follow my own line, without you, "people", interfering? Why can't I protect people anymore? Why can't I trust anyone in this world? Why can't I just disappear, to leave my empty corpse hanging in this pathetic world? Why can't I be 'me' anymore? Why can't I ignore all the signs? Why can't retain the important words that I once used to believe in? Why can't I prevent the future, even if I know what is going to happen? Why can't I just tell people how I feel, without being hurt by them? Why can't I stop feeling like I have to carry the weight of the entire world in my shoulders? Why do I have to hurt you? Why must I behave like this, putting tears in your eyes? Why did you, too, had to betray me? Why can't you all stop your unrealistic promises and just speak to me with the extreme truth in your lips? Why is everyone trying to summon the darkest part of my own self? Why can't people understand about my duality, about the shape of my saviour and the one of the person who has to hurt people? Why do people tend to attack me, when they don't even know what I can do to their lives? Why do I have to continue following the route of the sorrow, when I know that I don't want to do it? Why do I have to be fully alone in this world? Why did my dream bring me here today, when it can't give me proper data in the sole commander that my spirit accepts? Why do I get to feel people's souls and feelings so easily, if I just want them to be left alone in my singular pains and fates? Why do I have to control my life as a mystical and yet predictable teatre piece, where I know all the phrases and quotes from everyone? Why do I have to feel like this, this feeling of "weird", of lost hope, of "not being able to work just because she is missing from my life"? Why can't I dream anymore, without the future or the princess haunting my hopes of being alone in the darkness? Why do I have to try so hard to figure out who I am, when I feel like I'm not nothing more than a missing piece of someone else? Why do I fail to trust people, just appearing, saving them and accomplishing my task without asking for anything at all? Why do I fail to avoid everyone's tears and sorrow nowadays? Why... why can't anyone answer all my questions, the past, present and future ones?

Once, I told you that I was not sorry for the past or present, but for the future instead. Now, I have to repeat it, not for me or for you, but for the darkest part of myself. I have to end it, since I can't achieve my answers and correct the missing data. However, I have to tell it, one more time, for the sake of... something I can't understand anymore:

Jany (that was your name, if I recall), you know what's your problem? You're too weak and need people to like you. Either you find someone who loves you or not, you will once understand that people won't always be there for you, and then you'll suffer. STOP BEING INSECURE, WILL YA? Once, I told you that you were great, and you probably know it. Be great and love yourself, screw the entire world! If it has to happen, so be it!

I liked you, and I hated (or hate?) you. What's the truth? I'll never know.
De Takkun a 27 de Novembro de 2006 às 03:09
Very nice post you wrote Aware... and awesome picture!

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